I should have posted this before

as it's a bit old now, but I thought I'd share before I get rid of it: I also love the "Latest News" bit bottom right: "Kids stay in school" - thus proving how old I am again!

Sitting on the Dock of the Bay

last night I ended up listening to the radio (or the wireless as my father insisted on calling it) through the TV. Who would have thought it, radio on the TV? That's how highly evolved we now are. It was the start of a Radio 2 (for English visitors, I realise this makes me sound like an old fogey) series about the life and work of Otis Redding. I've always loved his voice and it was a tradgedy that he died so young at only 26. It was interesting to hear how he had so many hits even at a time of bitter racial segregation. I guess you just can't hold back a voice like that. So it's official I am getting old. I even moaned about the weather this morning. Torrential downpours that should not be happening on the last day of August. Still, at least I was treated to the sight of a man with the world's biggest comb over flying about in the wind and rain. I suppose once I reach that status I will truly know I'm old.

As I'm

struggling for inspiration for a post, and short on time, I'm going to be lazy and post something I received on email. These are letters sent in to Viz magazine, designed to be funny, and a lot of them do hit their mark: To the zookeeper in 1978 who replied "I'll tell you when you're older" when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up another one's ar*e: I'm 36 now and still waiting for that explanation. Joe McKeown Radio 2's Steve Wright only reads out letters from people who say how much they love him and his show. I know this because me and my mates write to him regularly to tell him we think he's a c*nt and he never reads our letters out. Mark Edwards, Leek 'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30..... Colum Hill I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London With reference to Mr Palmer's previous letter. I am also married to a Taiwanese lady, but nobody ever asks me if she is a mail order bride. But perhaps that's because I am also Taiwanese. And we live in Taiwan. Lo Chi Chang, Taipei On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied 'c*nt'. Not only was I told the answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to leave the premises immediately. Has anyone else experienced such appalling treatmentwhilst holidaying with one's family? Noel, Leeds Why is it that Channel 4's Big Brother are allowed to install loads of cameras in a house and watch the residents' every move. But when I put onetiny camera in my neighbour's bathroom I get bound over for 12 months. There's no justice. Simon Eldritch I was being chased by a police dog last week, and made the mistake of trying to escape through a little tunnel, over a see-saw and through a hoop of fire. It finally caught me as I was weaving in and out of some sticks. Stan Herschel I was watching those insurance adverts on the telly where Michael Winner plays the parts of both himself and his wife. It suddenly struck me that, after years of wishing he would, he could now actually go and f*ck himself. Mike Oxlong I've just bought Paula Radcliffe's new autobiography. I read two thirds but I couldn't be ar*ed to finish it. Matt Spracklen, Wales Ronseal 5 Year Woodstain does exactly what it says on the tin, does it? Funny that. I've looked all over the label and nowhere does it say 'Makes your front door look like an African elephant has wiped its ar*e on it.' Steve Edwards, Welshpool I recently bought a fridge freezer from Currys, and after I had paid for it they asked me for my address to arrange delivery. I told them that I lived between Gateshead and Hexham, and if they rang me a week next Tuesday between 8am and 7pm, I night be able to give them a six hour slot when I would be able to take delivery. When they rang me, I told them thatmy house was out of stock and they should ring back on Saturday. The shoe's on the other foot now, isn't it, Currys? DF Kant Last week I attended an AA meeting, and to my horror, each person present stood up and openly admitted to being an alcoholic. I'm not having these boastful drunkards repairing my car. I can only hope the RAC have more responsible employees. Hugie Dixon, West Drayton I'm fed up with finding my e-mail inbox stuffed full of adverts for p*nis enlarging pills. In the interests of sexual equality, isn't it about time that they started bombarding women's computers with adverts for f*nny tightening tablets? Neil, Scot

I must be an old dog

because I'm not picking up new tricks, in fact I'm not learning from my mistakes any longer. On Friday night I should have stopped Mrs Zilla from opening another bottle of wine. Trying to move her from the sofa when she's fallen asleep is a thankless task. On Sunday we went to a birthday party for one of Godzooky 1's friends. He was six, and there were quite a few kids there. They'd put on an inflatable castle, with a, frankly, terrible Harry Potter theme. There was a dodgy owl perched on one side and a wizard looking child daubed on one wall. The final clue that led me to believe it was Harry Potter related were the large letters "HP" adorning the front of the thing. I always seem to end up with children following me round when we attend these sort of events. To be fair I don't adopt the usual adult trait of ignoring the kids and telling them to go off and play by themselves, so really I've only got myself to blame. I was driving, unlike all the other adults present, so the prospect of sitting with a soft drink watching everyone else get leathered didn't really appeal. I was quite concerned how Godzooky 2 would cope on the bouncy castle, but my fears were soon dismissed. She was happy to throw herself with utter abandonment from any part of the castle she could climb on. At one point she took a direct hit from a flying 6 year old, and I had that moment of "Oh here come the tears!", but she just laughed and got up. My fatal mistake came when I was cajoled by the kids into getting on the bouncy castle and trying to bounce them high. I gained huge kudos for doing so, and they were getting a huge buzz off it. Unfortunately my torn thigh muscle didn't like the sensations, and proved to be my undoing: I made the elementary mistake of falling on the floor of the castle. Prompting what felt like a million calls of "Piley On!", as all the little darlings flung themselves on top of me. It's a good job that no more kids are wanted, as tender areas of my body received several unwanted blows from elbows and knees. Still the Godzookies got the pleasure of being told that their dad was cool.

I love

these short weeks. Only two days in work this week, a bank holiday next week, so that's only a four day week. Excellent! Here's a tip for any parents or budding parents. If you decide to show your children a local landmark from where you grew up, pick one that isn't atop the highest hill in the town. This week my children showed an interest in visiting the folly that dominates the town I'm from. It's a faux lighthouse, built in 1852 - and about a mile from the sea. It serves no purpose other than being a landmark and a legacy for a local businessman from that time.

So Godzooky 1 pesters me to climb up the hill and see the lighthouse. It's a nice day, so why not. It's been a long time since I went up there. Probably not since I last did cross country at school.

Mrs Zilla suggested that I take Godzooky 2 as well. Why not? She seemed keen.

Schoolboy error on my part.

Not even one third of the way up she wanted to be carried.

I should have seen this coming - she's only two, and small for her age.

Still the struggle to the top was worth it - the views are quite something.

Of course being a typical man, whilst struggling to carry a two year old, I decided not to take the path, but attempt a direct assault on the local equivalent of the North face of the Eiger.

All was well as I gathered my breath.

We were (unfortunately, as I was desperate to climb higher!) unable to enter the tower, as it was closed.

Then I realised that my schoolboy memories of cross country didn't include any of the way back down.

I didn't fancy abseiling back the way we came, so set off in the general direction that my memory prompted me to.

At that point I heard another group close by say, "Let's follow that man, he looks like he knows the way down"

A better man than me might have turned and said "Sorry, I am as clueless as you!".

I am not that man. I thought, well at least we're all in the same boat.

So I'm carrying Godzooky 2 again, trying to keep Godzooky 1 away from the sheer drops, whilst pretending to ignore the small group following in our footsteps.

They didn't follow for too long, especially when I strode confidently towards a ridge, only to discover one of the aforementioned sheer drops.

Ultimately my childhood memories did start to resurface and I found the official footpath, leading us back to civilisation.

Don't take small children up high, steep climbs unless you're prepared to carry them most of the way!

So I'm back...

from outer space... get that song out of your head now! It reminds me that it's the Mardi Gras this coming weekend. For those out of towners, it's a big gay weekend, and full of the colour and glamour you would expect. I've always enjoyed driking in the Gay Village. The atmosphere always seems relaxed and welcoming regardless of your sexuality. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm happy with my sexuality that makes me feel comfortable compared to some people I know. A few people at work refuse point blank to drink in anywhere labelled gay. To me it seems their issues may be more deep rooted than mere bigotry. I have never been attracted to men and don't even think of the bars as "gay". To me the people in them are just that, people, good, bad, happy, sad (is that another song reference?) Anyway, enough of my rambling about the upcoming weekend. The trip to the Lakes was great. Batteries are well and truly recharged. The weather wasn't fantastic, but then what can you expect during the school holidays? We did the zoo as usual, and ventured out into Grizedale Forest, for some outdoor action. No, not that sort, the adventure playground sort, which the kids loved. We didn't get to wish on shooting stars, although from my past experiences it doesn't work too well anyway. Here's a new picture of Godzooky 3, as requested by Delboy's Daughter:

For some reason if he looks directly at the camera he always has his eyes shut.

He had his 8 month check up yesterday - he is freakishly long, very heavy and yet has a tiny head apparently. Make of that what you will.

Anyway I'm off to catch up on my favourite blogs, so that probably means yours!

Hooray Hooray It's a Holi-Holiday

Only a few hours to go then I can whisk the family off to the Lakes for a few days. I am really looking forward to some quality time away from work. A certain member of staff has been adding to my woes considerably recently, and a few days without having to check up on her will be wonderful. Eeeek, just thought about what I might face when I get back! Ah well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. You know those moments when you realise that you've put your foot in it? I had a major one last night. I was talking to Mrs Zilla about watching shooting stars fly over, lying on our backs at night, whilst in the Lakes. Except it wasn't Mrs Zilla I'd done that with. Ooops! That's on our to do list now though! In other news it's the final of Big Brother tonight, and without doubt Pete is going to win it. I'm going to miss having him and his tourette's on tv. It's been really refreshing to have someone so honest and straight forward on it. Having him say "Wankers" every few minutes has also been a revelation. Can't see him getting a tv deal though! Also looking forward to the new football season starting tomorrow. I've created a monster though, Godzooky 1 is already asking when he can go to his first match of the season, and wanting to watch all the games on tv. Need to go and check the fixtures list so I can give him some good news hopefully. Well I'll be back next week, with lots of lovely stories and pictures I hope. Everyone play nice while I'm gone!

Tram girl revisited

I almost forgot - that girl from the tram last week? Well I saw her again this morning. She looked most upset that I was properly attired. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. My ego is currently undergoing repairs and should be servicable by 2010.

Yesterday

was a mixed bag of results. Got all my work related stuff done. Lowered the cot bed, so Godzooky 3 shouldn't be able to BASE jump from it. I achieved it without resorting to razor wire round the top of the cot either. We also managed to get out for a bit, and satisfied Godzooky 2's current appetite for jigsaws. The girl just can't get enough of them. She's just turned 2, but has been tackling ones designed for over 3s with ease. So yesterday I decided to try her out with a larger, more complicated one. Her patience and eye for detail astounds me. I thought she wouldn't cope with a jigsaw designed for a 5 year old, but she finished it really quickly. She does seem to be picking up things far quicker than Godzooky 1 did. I'm not sure if that's due to him acting as a role model for her (if he can be described as a role model!), or whether it's down to us as parents having more experience of teaching and developing abilities? Either way she does seem really quick to pick things up. Before this descends into a rose tinted, how great is my child post, I should mention the fact that her speech is virtually non-existent. Her regular vocabulary consists of yes and no. Occasionally she'll throw in a word like cat,book, mummy, daddy etc. trying to then get her to repeat it is a futile task. We had the same problem with Godzooky 1 - he was very late in starting to speak properly. He was put on a waiting list to receive speech therapy, but by the time he got an appointment he'd already started nursery and was beginning to improve quickly. I thought we wouldn't have the same problem with Godzooky 2 - with having an older sibling, but it just goes to show that you can never second guess these things. I'm not even going to go down the speech therapy road this time, by the time they pull their fingers out and get us an appointment she'll probably be reciting Shakepeare! One of the funny by-products of her lack of speech is Godzooky 1's amazing ability to interpret for her: Me : "Do you want a yoghurt?" Godzooky 1 immediately " She says no, but she wants me to have it instead !" cue response from Godzooky 2: " Noooooooooooooo!" priceless. My down side from yesterday was at football - warmed up fine. Then 10 minutes into the game my thigh muscle tore again. Looks like I'm heading for the scrapheap. I probably still stink of Deep Heat, but my nostrils have become accustomed to it. I've found another thing that keeps Mrs Zilla away in bed though. Now if I can only find the Anti-Deep Heat recipe I can make a fortune!

Sardines anyone?

I'm having to try and cram everything in. Got to take a half day holiday. Godzooky 3 has developed the ability to sit up in his cot. So that needs lowering. Except I'm playing football again tonight (even though my leg doesn't feel 100%, they were short of players), so by the time I get home it'll be his bed time. Not giving me much time to adjust the cot bed that he's in. I can just squeeze some meetings in this morning, then meet a reporting deadline by lunchtime and then breathe again.

* RANT WARNING*

I am going to indulge myself in a small rant, so feel free to ignore this next bit. It’s all to do with my travel to and from work. Normally the trams I get are full of business people, as you would expect. In the summer weeks they tend to be a lot quieter in the mornings, as people are on holiday. People are out and about later with their children on holiday. Why then do these people not use some common sense when it comes to getting home? Lately there have been influxes of grandparents with their grandchildren getting on a tram after 5pm. They then express surprise that there are no seats and it’s really crowded. Why? It’s rush hour. Everyone working is trying to get home. Why can’t they organise themselves to avoid the busiest times of the day, especially if they’re going to moan all the way about the lack of space and seats? I’m in danger of slipping into a related rant about why old people can’t do their shopping during the day, freeing up shops for those of us who have to work. So I’d better stop there!

I am grateful

for at least one of my unique abilities (no, not the sexual one, which I won't go into detail about) : the one I mean is my ability to avoid hangovers. Friday night, old friends staying, COPIOUS amounts of alcohol consumed, a good time had by all (no, not that sort of good time). The next morning was a different story: everyone had a raging hangover, except smug little moi. For some reason Mother Nature has blessed me with never having a hangover. It doesn't matter how much, or what, I drink, I never suffer the next day. Where some people have a banging headache, queasiness and general malaise, the worst I have is a dehydrated feeling. If I sink a couple of pints of water I am back on good form and ready to tackle anything. This generally causes grumpiness amongst those who are suffering, and Saturday was no exception. Still, it meant that I was able to take care of all the children's needs, nappy and food related. If I did suffer in the same way that Mrs Zilla does, I certainly wouldn't be like her: suggesting another bottle of wine be opened. At least she had recovered sufficiently to embark on a trip later to enjoy the delights of the Sky Festival. We ventured far and wide, taking in the offering of Braniac, Cartoon Network and the Lazy Town show. Godzooky 2 is a big fan of Lazy Town, which is no bad thing as it encourages children to do exercise and eat healthily. The kids often ask for something "healthy" these days, although they do still clamour for McDonalds as well - such is the power of worldwide advertising I guess. I realised while we were watching the Lazy Town show that I was a mere 100 yards from the Manchester Blog Meet taking place at the same time. Having said that I was unaware of who was attending and don't read that many blogs that are local. I don't know why that should be, possibly I just haven't stumbled across many, or perhaps I'm more interested in things happening elsewhere? Anyhoo, I didn't venture into the world of real life meeting, I'm never very good on first meeting someone, it takes me a while to get into the flow. Plus my daughter sat on my shoulders wouldn't have appreciated losing her view of the show.

Language

constantly evolves, as new words and trends come into play. Here are some new definitions that came my way: TESTICULATING . Waving your arms around and talking bollocks. BLAMESTORMING . Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER . A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS . The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. SALMON DAY . The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. SITCOMs . Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a " home business " . SINBAD . single working girls. Single Income, No Boyfriend and Desperate. STRESS PUPPY . A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE . The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE . The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the " adminisphere " are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded " administrivia " - needless paperwork and processes. 404 . Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message " 404 Not Found, " meaning that the requested document could not be located. OHNOSECOND . That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all') GOING FOR A McSHIT . Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the toilet. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McSHIT with Lies. AEROPLANE BLONDE . One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'. AUSSIE KISS . Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under. BEER COAT . The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am. BEER COMPASS . The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from. MONKEY BATH A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!" . PICASSO BUM . A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks

Yesterday's Events

have made me quite glad that I'm not travelling anywhere on holiday this year. Rather than speculate wildly about what happened and why, I'm going to wait for a little more information to emerge first. It's becoming apparent though that there is a real danger of a cultural split happening in this country. Muslims already react with scepticism that such things can happen, yet it seems to me that there is a very real threat from individuals hiding behind rhetoric and fervent beliefs. In a lighter vein, I never cease to be amazed at how quickly things like this pop up: My plans for the weekend centre around friends visiting tonight on their way North. It's one of my oldest friends, who I don't see anywhere near often enough, and I'm looking forward to reminiscing and catching up on new news. Tomorrow, weather permitting, the plan is to visit the Sky festival taking place in the city centre. All manner of child entertainment should be happening, and the godzookies seem quite excited about it. I'm really looking forward to Sunday, when my task is to tackle the enormous hedge that needs cutting. I hope the sarcasm came across slightly there. I may be performing a rain dance on Saturday night.

Picture this

In response to Delboy's Daughter's request for a picture, I haven't got any of me on my pc. This should please Ticharu at least! However I do have a picture of Godzooky 1. He is without doubt a dead ringer for me - everywhere we go people comment on the likeness. So if you take this picture, substitute my black hair for his brown and age it about 30 years, this is me:

How did you get here?

This is not some post about the birds and the bees, or a question regarding how you travel. Occasionally I like to have a look see at where the visitors to my blog come from. It's normally the usual visitors linking from their blogs, but once in a while there is a random link from another blog, which I suspect may well be people clicking the next blog button at the top of the page. The other source of visitors is from searches, and it always intrigues me to see what people have searched for that led them to my blog. One of the latest ones was a search for "What do you call a moose?" - I still haven't worked out how my blog came up in reference to that! My favourite one ever occurred this week. Someone was searching for " mature escort chorlton cum hardy" I was ranked second in the search! This was linked to my blog because of a meme that I filled out, part of which listed cars I'd had and places I'd lived. What a disappointment that must have been for the person seeking a different sort of entertainment! The other results from that search showed a different side to Chorlton that I never knew existed!

Close but no cigar

You know that feeling where you know someone is watching you? It's almost indescribable, but you just know someone is staring at you. Well, that happened this morning on the tram to me. As I looked round I noticed a young,(well, younger than me!) good looking lady quickly darting her eyes away. So I get all surreptitious and watch out of the corner of my eye. After a few seconds she looks back, staring what seemed like most intently. So I turn my gaze back to her and she looks away again. This repeats another couple of times, until I actually catch her eye. She then smiled coyly and looked away. I moved, to check if it was definitely me she was staring at. I found a vantage point where I could see her reflected in one of the windows. No doubt about it, she was staring at me. This is an unusual occurrence for me. I'm sure a lot of you beautiful people out there have to endure the stares of strangers on a daily basis. So I shift position again, and start to stare straight at her, meaning that it's inevitable when she looks again, our eyes are going to meet. What I'm going to do next I don't know, but it feels like it needs to be done. When she does look again, it's clear she's not looking at my face, there is no eye contact. She's staring at my legs and then her gaze works upwards till it reaches my face. When she gets eye contact with me it clearly flusters her. She goes bright red and turns her back on me. Ok, I rationalise to myself - she was staring at you and was embarassed to get caught out. Perhaps I'm more attractive than I thought, I start to stroke my ego. All of a sudden the day seems a little brighter, and my disposition sunnier. Then I got to work, and as I sat down I realised that my zip was undone. Yes, that's the sound of my ego shattering!

Black Gold

that's certainly what oil is turning into. Or should it be Black Platinum? Apparently there is a risk of petrol prices increasing to £1.20 per litre, or in old money almost £5.50 a gallon! For US visitors benefit that's about $10.40 a gallon. It's a good job that I don't do that many miles driving. My car is for days out and trips to the supermarket. In the last six months I think I've driven about 3,500 miles - well below the national average of 12,000. I think this potential price rise may cause more traffic on my tram - I hope the new influx of travellers don't have the fish aroma syndrome of some present passengers!

a BIG THANK YOU

to Fluff, for emailing me about lack of comments. I was not ignoring anyone, I promise. I thought my posts had been particularly uninspiring or something. It appears that somehow all my comments were being stored for moderation. I never meant for that to happen, so either Blogger is playing me up, or I inadvertently clicked something I shouldn't. Either wayI am grateful to Fluff for pointing it out. Now all remains is for me to read these comments and reply where appropriate. Normal service should now be resumed....

300 not out

this is my 300th post. How many of those have actually been any good is debatable. The rest and recuperation I was after this weekend never really materialised. Godzooky 1 went to a party on Saturday. One of the girls from his class is moving to Brighton, so it was a farewell party. He got quite emotional at the end when he had to say goodbye, and he said "See you soon Grace!". I gently pointed out that Grace was moving and he wouldn't see her soon. Cue a deluge of tears as the realisation hit home. I think he had a bit of a thing for her. As usual ( I always seem to end up like this) I was cajoled into leading the games at the party. I would never have thought 10 years ago that I would be organising games for fifteen young children. The worst part is that they seem to think that I'm as robust as they are! Godzooky 2 has turned 2 and the terrible 2s have started in earnest. She now wants to be carried everywhere, whereas a matter of weeks ago she was Miss Independent and refused to do anything other than walk. In other news I am slightly encouraged to read the results of a survey that looked into people's love lives. It transpires that not many people are getting a lot of sex. That doesn't make me feel any better, but at least I know I'm not suffering alone! Monday mornings don't you just love them?

Bring

on the weekend. I'm tired, frustrated and ready for a break.

Meme

Favourites: Favourite Colour: erm, blue, sort of darkish – could do with a colour chart about now Favourite Food: Indian Favourite Movie: I can’t put just one Favourite Sport: Football (the real type) Favourite Day of the Week: Sunday Favourite Season: Winter Favourite Ice Cream: Mint Choc Chip Currents: Current Mood: Frustrated Current Clothes: Blue suit trousers, purpley shirt, fetching, matching tie Current Desktop: whatever work have deemed fit (I can’t even remember what it looks like) Current Time:12:57pm Current Surroundings: Office Current Annoyances: A team member being a fuckwit. Current Thoughts: Shit, I’ve got that meeting shortly First: First Best Friend: Kevin, who I still keep in touch with Last: Last Drink: coffee Last Car Ride: at the weekend to the supermarket Last Crush: on the tram home last night Last Phone Call: Mrs Zilla to tell me that the kids are playing up Last CD played: Riot City Blues by Primal Scream Have you ever: Have you ever dated one of your best friends: no Have you ever broken the law: yes Have you ever been arrested: no Have you ever been on TV: yes, an extra in Cracker Have you ever kissed someone you didn’t know: yes Things: 5 things you are good at: annoying Mrs Zilla, making my kids laugh, cooking, talking up my footballing abilities and drinking alcohol 4 things you have done today: sorted the rubbish out before the bin men arrive, made my lunch, finished off some management accounts and surfed my favourite blogs 3 things you can hear right now: air conditioning, a phone ringing, an annoying laugh Tag You're it: If you feel like it

Holiday Souvenirs

It's that time of year again when colleagues disappear off on holiday. We've got quite a large department, probably around 30 people. We used to have a tradition where people on holiday were required to bring back drinks coasters from their destination. The idea was to make them as tacky as possible. I spent a long time on some holidays searching for coasters, and then trying to pick the tackiest ones possible. On my Vegas trip I thought it was going to prove an impossible task to pick which ones were the tackiest! Any hoo, our desks soon became festooned with coasters, and we realised that this wa sgoing to have to end. Especially as people had about 25 coasters from Spain, the holiday destinations never tended to be that exciting. So now we have a new custom. Travellers must return with a native delicacy to share amongst those of us who were left behind. This has also brought it's own particular problem. The sweets and treats that come back from Spain and other Mediterranean haunts are really poor. I would hate to be a child growing up there. Ungrateful sod aren't I?

Rock n Roll Lifestyle

is not how mine can be described. Last night saw me ironing, whilst listening to The Clash playing White Riot, I Fought the Law, London's Burning etc etc. The irony of it hit me part way through. Later saw me watching another TV programme: QI (an old episode being repeated). This is a recent find of mine. It's a sort of panel/quiz show. Yet with a strange approach. One of last night's questions was why should a ship's captain be concerned about carrying a cargo of pistachio nuts? It turns out that according to some maritime code they are classed as a dangerous cargo. Large quantities can apparently spontaneously combust! Pistachios are also not technically a nut. Neither are coconuts, they are berries! Another fact learnt last night was that balsa wood is technically a hard wood! Many interesting facts (hence QI: Quite Interesting) were gleaned. I was struck by something during the ad breaks. They were advertising kids chocolate bars, even though it was almost midnight! Then I realised the target market: stoners with the munchies! Why haven't the large petrol retailers picked up on this market too? After say 10pm, stop pimping us really expensive petrol and start with adverts like: "24 hour garages, we sell chocolate, snacks and cigarette papers! You know you want some now!" I remember many a visit to the all night garage, and there was always someone who would finish off their order with "Oh yeah and a packet of blue papers!" This is an untapped market. In fact forget you read this, I'm off to patent the idea now!

Weddings

I watched an interesting programme on TV last night. They took a page of newlyweds photos from a local paper in Brighton, back in 1981 and tried to follow through the results of the marriages. The age ranges and demographics of the couples varied widely. The youngest bride was 17, with a husband of 27, the oldest bride 60, and her husband 71. The notions of what marriage meant were far more traditional than todays. Quite a few of the brides were virgins, and most were moving from their parents homes. Interestingly the bonds that kept people together varied enormously too. Some couples had decided that they never wanted children, and that had kept them together - enjoying each other's company and travelling. One man freely admitted that he wasn't in love when he got married, but that he definitely was now.

Out of the 20 marriages, I think around 12 were still going strong, which fits in with most statistics I suppose.

It got me to thinking about how I felt about my marriage, as Mrs Zilla lay soaking in the bath. We didn't get married in the traditional way, as I've already blogged about. We've been together for almost 11 years, and married for just 5. We got married in Las Vegas, just the two of us, although it was broadcast on the internet for interested family and friends! We already had Godzooky 1 by this point. I'm really not sure what marriage has altered in the long term compared to when we were merely living together. In the legal sense it gives me parental rights, and provides more security for Mrs Zilla. Relationship wise I think it made things slightly rocky for a while. We'd talked about marriage and children previously. Marriage was never high on our list, and children were discussed, with the idea that Mrs Zilla wanted to be 28 before that happened. As usual the fickle finger of fate got involved and Mrs Zilla was pregnant at 24. The first of her friends to do so, but she was also the only one in any kind of stable relationship. We'd alreday been together for 3 years, lived together and bought a house. I proposed when Godzooky 1 was around 18 months old. People had stopped asking when we were going to get married, so it seemed less like we were doing it to appease people! The marriage definitely upset the rhythm of the relationship. I think Mrs Zilla felt that she was almost trapped, when most of her friends were still relatively carefree, although more of them had got married, none yet had children. It seems to me that having had Godzooky 1 was in some paradoxical way both the cause of the problem and also the glue that made us work through a difficult time. So where are we now? Comfortable I guess. We know each other really well and what makes us tick. We seldom argue, and if we do it tends to be over trivial things. The only flaw I can find is the declining passion, but then I guess after 11 years I shouldn't expect fireworks? Do I still see us being together long term? Unless something goes fundamentally wrong I don't see why not, but then who knows what's round the corner?