What the world really needs

I'm cribbing this shamelessly from a newspaper, but it's so shockingly bad that I feel it deserves highlighting. Patently Silly This site lists all manner of weird and wonderful inventions that people have applied to patent. That people think there is a need for some of these things makes me question whether we really are at the peak of civilisation. If we are, then the only way now appears to be downwards! Cordless jump rope? Why not just pretend to be skipping? Or would that just look silly?

A Review

I really wasn't in a blogging place yesterday, despite, or perhaps because of, the long bank holiday weekend. I'm still not sure whether my mojo is fully functioning, but I guess it's a case of publish and be damned. So a quick recap - we went to see the Chuckle Brothers on Saturday and took on eof our friends son's with us - they've had a recent addition to the family, and we know how a little bit of eace and quiet is appreciated. So that was our good deed for the day. So here's my review of the play/panto: From the opening “pyrotechnics” and music, you know what this show is going to be about, it’s panto, pure and simply. The Doctor Who theme is tenuous to say the least. There is a TARDIS, to facilitate space travel, and there is a “Garlic”, that makes a brief appearance. The only other Doctor Who reference is the baddie : The Mister. The Doctor Huw What and Professor Mee Hoo names that the Chuckles have are designed with maximum mix up in mind. Overall the show is more tenuous than the current real Doctor Who series, excepting the psychic paper malarkey that David Tennant has perhaps. The presence of a gorilla in the TARDIS without any explanation or consequence only serves to heighten the sense of panto. The use of acrobats probably serves to save the Chuckle Brothers’ ageing legs and pad the show out considerably. If you go to see this, you’re going to get wet. If you’re in the front row you run the risk of getting VERY wet, or covered in “custard pie”. Overall a very funny show, my six year old loved it, and didn’t care about the lack of Doctor Who references or inconsistent plot. Still the brothers manage to save the earth, without the use of a sonic screwdriver. Life offers various lessons as you travel along it's many paths, and one I learnt on Saturday is that other people's children will always behave better than your own. I'm not sure if this is attributable to them being scared of you, they're better raised or whether your child feels an overwhelming compulsion to show off in front of their friends. Take your pick.

Culture Vulture

I'm getting quite excited about an impending theatre visit tomorrow. Pre Godzookies, and even more pre Mrs Zilla, I used to frequent the theatre quite often. A mixture of modern and some classics, Trainspotting, Waiting for Godot, Hamlet etc etc. I think my last visit to the theatre to see a play must have been a good 4 years ago, doesn't time fly! That was to see The Woman in Black. A "very scary" adaptation of Susan Hill's novel. Pah, I've been more scared of Doctor Who. Which brings me to the performance we're going to see tomorrow afternoon:

For those who aren't familiar with The Chuckle Brothers, I'm not sure how to describe them. Their humour is based mainly on slapstick and really bad puns.

They've been around for a good 20 years doing the same sort of stuff, and when I was younger I detested them.

Since having kids, and watching them again I have rediscovered their worth. They really manage to make kids (and me and Mrs Zilla) laugh.

We went to one of those classic British institutions, a pantomime, that they were in last year - Dick Whittington. With the obligatory faded soap star ( I think she was from Hollyoaks) and the usual Dame figure.

It was excellent and inspired us to see Doctor What when we saw it advertised.

Godzooky 1 is particularly excited as it is combining The Chuckle Brothers with Doctor Who, a new favourite of his.

A review will follow....

and they say standards are dropping?

Now I don't profess to have been a great chemistry student, otherwise I'd be running my own crystal meth lab, but these answers suggest the examinee writing them may already have their own lab....

Right now they're probably studying medicine at college somewhere...

A change from the usual

This morning I was preparing my son's packed lunch, as usual, when he came through to the kitchen. This is not unusual, and is normally followed by a request for some wholly inappropriate food item to be put in his lunch box. Cola is a regular request, but he's not allowed that very often - he gets a bit too hyper! He goes through the usual "buttering up" process: "Daddy, you make the best lunches ever!" "Thanks, son, I'm glad you like them" I reply, waiting. "Dad..." "Yes?" "Do you think I could have a packet of ready salted crisps in my lunch today?" "Of course, but don't you want a different flavour?" "No, it's got to be plain flavour." "OK, but why plain?" "Cos Kemal can only eat plain ones, other ones make him ill." It turns out that his friend Kemal is dairy intolerant, and plain crisps are one of the few types without milk powder in them. So Godzooky 1 wanted a pack so he could share them with his friend. Sometimes I think that we are doing the right thing with our children.

Quiz/Meme/Survey*

* I'm not sure what this is, delete as you feel applies. With thanks to Snav, where I came across this, painless to do, but made me think a bit: 1)Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. was a massive complex of huts and office blocks spread over several acres 2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can and see what you touch. A pile of papers requiring my attention, and almost a work colleague who now looks quite worried. 3) What is the last thing you watched on TV? Big Brother 4) Without looking, guess what time it is. 12.10 5) Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 12.13 – I know it’s around lunchtime, because some colleagues have just disappeared! 6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? A printer, office hubbub and a phone ringing. 7) When did you last step outside? What were you doing? This morning, to get to work, where I am now! 8) Before you started this survey, what did you look at? Snav's World 9) What are you wearing? Office garb, shirt, tie etc. Nothing exciting I'm afraid. 10) Did you dream last night? No – too tired I think. Although I can never remember all my dreams anyway. 11) When did you last laugh? About 10 minutes ago, as a colleague lied badly on the telephone 12) What is on the walls of the room you are in? Health and Safety notices, “Turn It Off!” stickers, a clock (which seems to run real slow), oh and a World Cup Wallchart. 13) Seen anything weird lately? A lady in our office refusing a cake, that surprised a lot of us! 14) What do you think of this quiz? I know the answers to the questions, so it’s kind of an easy quiz. 15) What is the last film you saw? All the way through? I watched Layer Cake again the other night. 16) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? A house closer to my son’s school. A round the world airline ticket, to show my children the wonders of the world. 17) Tell us something about you that we don't know. I passed my driving test first time, without any “proper” lessons, my dad taught me. 18) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Enable everyone to see another person’s perspective 19) Do you like to dance? Yes, but tend to need alcohol to make me feel comfortable doing it. 20) George Bush The lunatics have taken over the asylum. 21) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Emily (we didn’t) 22) Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Robert (we didn’t, I’m seeing a pattern here!) 23) Would you ever consider living abroad? Yes. Later in life something I would definitely consider. 24) What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? I’ve been waiting ages for you to show up, the party starts now everybody!

Being damp and partial invisibility

I think I'm feeling more positive today, although I'm not certain of it. At least the rain held off until I reached the end of my road, then a torrential downpour, which ended as I reached the tram stop. At least being soaking wet gets you some room on the tram. The exclusion zone created by moist clothes is quite welcome. People are also far less likely to treat you as the invisible man, and will actually manoeuvre carefully around you rather than adopt the normal, trying to walk through you approach. I am starting to wonder whether I do actually possess some innate optical illusion which obscures me from people's view. It seems that despite my height and breadth people seem to think that they can actually walk through me. Invariably these are people distracted by mobile phones or just not looking where they are going. I always try and at least stop, if I can't move out of the collision path, to minimise the force of impact. Yet these people seem genuinely surprised that they should encounter another thing in their path, even though they don't look where they're going. I thought I was quite a large and easily identifiable mass, but clearly I am in possession of some Klingon type cloaking device, which seems to deploy at random moments, but especially on busy pavements. Anyway, before this descends into another rant or gloominess, here's something that made me smile: After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last.................. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget

The Glums

A horrible, wet, dreary weekend comes to an end, and yet still more rain falls. This is supposed to be late May, but feels more like March or April. To add to the gloom, our auditors are back, asking more questions, taking up more time and basically annoying the hell out of me. One small ray of joy was the way Godzooky 1 spent yesterday. He resolved to tidy his room and sort out things that he was willing to throw/give away. To his credit he came up with 3 large boxes of toys to go to the charity shop, and 2 large rubbish sacks full of bits and pieces that were no use to anyone. The awful wet day meant that there was no large queue at the dump, so the whole task was pain free. Grandma Zilla doesn't seem very well at the moment. She's awaiting test results, but is on what seems like a constant diet of antibiotics to try and keep her chest clear. She sounds very down, even though she's just returned from a sunshine break in Spain. I wanted to go and see her, thinking that the children might brighten her mood, but she put us off, citing the fact that she may have a virus, and doesn't want to pass it on to us as well. Ah, well, half term is only a couple of weeks away, and we can make a longer visit then. Hopefully by then she'll have her test results, will be getting the right treatment, and will be feeling brighter generally. This feels like a dull and glum post, which reflects pretty well what is outside at the moment, but I don't want to end on that note, so here's something I found that might amuse for a while: Anagram Generator Enter whatever random phrase you like, and it will reassemble it into more sense or gibberish: 'Godzilla Blogs Daily' anagrams to

'Lazy, glib dildo gaols'

'Tich rocks the world'

anagrams to

'Lord! Shock twitcher.'

'Lily needs creamer constantly'

anagrams to

'Rottenly smellier ascendancy.'

'Fluff had a dastardly ex'

anagrams to

'Half sexy, daft fraud lad.' 'Snav dances beautifully'

anagrams to

'Banefully avid nutcases.'

'Truth and virtue'

anagrams to

'Avid hurt nutter.'

'Sessy needs a break'

anagrams to

'Bee's knees as yards.'

Birthday Recap

Once the Godzookies were safely tucked up in bed on the night before Godzooky 2’s birthday we started blowing up balloons, preparing streamers and banners to decorate our living room. She’s a sucker for balloons, especially the helium type that float off. So one of those had pride of place on her seat. We wanted it to be ready for her first thing in the morning, so that the day started off as we meant for it to go on.

Once the children were up and had breakfasted we had some time to open a couple of presents that her siblings had “bought” for her. Some colouring supplies, a Magnadoodle and a jigsaw. We dropped Godzooky 1 off at school and then headed off to a local play centre We’d been previously with Godzooky 1 but it was far too busy and frantic for someone as small as her, she was confined to the under 3s section.

This time it was very quiet, obviously as it was during school time, and there were only a couple of other children there. This gave us free range on the equipment, and it was an absolute bargain, only £3.20 for 90 minutes for all of us (babes in arms go free, and parents don’t pay either!)

She was a bit unsure about some of the high parts at first, with only netting below her. But once she found her feet she was away, and I had trouble keeping up with her. She could twist and turn round the narrow gaps with ease, whereas my frame was holding me back.

Unfortunately for me my jeans were not as good as her trousers on the slide – I was getting too much friction, while she zipped away down the 10m slide.

I even managed at one point to get Godzooky 3 up to the slide and carried him down on it, although he had no idea about what was going on!

By the end of the 90 minutes I was seriously flagging from all the scrambling, twisting and turning, and I think she was too, as there weren’t too many complaints when we said we had to leave. After lunch she went for her nap more than willingly, and I was starting to think she’s turned into a teenager when we tried to get her up, she was that grouchy! Off to her Grandma’s next, for more presents and birthday treats.

Then back to school, to pick up Godzooky 2. Back home for more presents, lots of clothes, dolls and games. She’s particularly taken with a doll you can feed and then wind, just like she sees done for her baby brother. A trip to Pizza Hut for a birthday meal was next on the agenda, which went down well with Godzooky 1 too!

Then home for cake, although she was a little uncertain about the candles on the cake, probably due to our mantra about fires being dangerous!

After more playing and the last few presents it was bed time, and a sound sleep was had by all. It was a great day and hopefully special for her. Neither me or Mrs Zilla have really strong birthday memories, so we have resolved to try and make them exceptional days for our children, so that they will have good memories.

Yesterday was a lovely day, and I will post more about it when I have a proper amount of time, pictures to show etc etc. Suffice to say that a great day was had by all. It means that I'm somewhat behind in my work, but days like that are rare and worth the extra pressure I've put myself under. We had an interesting meeting here today about a new Enterprise computing system to combine all aspects of our business, streamlining our work and making us all super efficient. I have my doubts that this will work in reality, but nothing ventured etc. This meeting fits in nicely with a delightful little quiz I was shown. Can you tell the difference between IT people and serial killers? Not that I would wish to stereotype people! I didn't score that highly, which probably reflects my knowledge of IT and serial killers! I still not sure that I know what to look out for to tell the difference!

Recruitment

is never easy, but it is made all the trickier by 3 out of 6 candidates not even turning up for the interviews! At least our temp should have little competition in securing the post, so everyone's a winner. Plus I've got tomorrow off, to spend the whole day with my daughter on her second birthday. I'm really looking forward to having a great day with her, and making it a special one for her.

Oh yes

I almost forgot. Yesterday I was on my way to the tram, in my own little world, when a small figure woke me from my catatonic state. An old lady, stooped and fragile looking, was beckoning towards me across the road. I looked around, as you do, to make sure that there was no relative, or friend she was calling to, but there was nobody else around. I'm not one for ignoring people, so I crossed the road, and approached her house, where she was stood in the door. As I walked up, she asked most politely if I would help her with a problem. I like to think I'm a helpful sort of bloke, but I did have a secret dread that there was going to be something unpleasant about this request. She asked me to follow her into her house, and it was clear that she was living in the one room downstairs. She walked with that slow, unsteady gait, that made it clear she was not well. I followed her into the room and asked her what I could do to help. She was concerned that her clocks were wrong, and she had to know what the correct time was, she said. She thought that her home help hadn't altered then for the recent change for Summer time. I checked the clock on her wall and it was running about 4 minutes fast. I told her this, and she asked me if I would mind getting it down and altering it for her. I was more than happy to oblige, and whilst I was altering it she turned up the heat on her gas fire, even though the room was already sweltering. She thanked me most profusely and asked me to make sure the front door was locked on my way out. I left feeling good about myself - a few minutes out of my day had reassured an old lady that she knew what the correct time was, and that was something she had felt upset enough about to beckon a complete stranger into her house. I hope she doesn't make a habit of it though, not everyone is well meaning in this day and age.

Another Year Older

but definitely not wiser. Another manic day at the office and things that should go smoothly crumble in front of my eyes. Still, tomorrow I get to recruit a permanent member of staff to fill a vacancy manned by temps since 2002. That's what I call progress. Anyway my birthday was better than expected. I got presents of a far better calibre than I have for many a year. Even the clothing that was purchased for me was reasonable and something that I was willing to wear out of the house. I don't mean for that to sound churlish and ungrateful. I never specifically ask for anything, so my presents are at people's whims or reflect how they see me. I mentioned clothing in particular, as one year, one of my brothers in law bought me a short sleeved, bright lime green shirt. Fine, not my taste, but suitable for decorating in, possibly. Until I noticed what size he had purchased. I'm 6' 1" and with a 44" chest, yet he thought I was a "Medium"! I can't even say at least the thought was there, because I really don't know what was going through his head when he bought the item! I had a lovely meal out in an Indian restaurant we've been wanting to try for ages. Very swish and pricey, but the food was excellent and the service just how I like it, efficient but discreet. We realised that it was our first time out alone together since the arrival of Godzooky 3. The first time in 4 months! Still, now that he's sleeping through (the power of sleep training) perhaps we'll get more offers of babysitting? So now I'm endeavouring to get through the piles of work on my desk to get Wednesday off, when Godzooky 2 will be 2.

Birthdays

So, this weekend it's my birthday, and everyone seems to be hung up on the age I am. This isn't the big 4-0 or anything, but it does draw me ever closer to that landmark. I've never been bothered about my age, to me it's just a number, and I never really think about it. It only really hits me when I fill in any forms with those tick boxes, you know the ones with the age ranges: 18-25, 26-35 etc etc When I move from one box to another it does make me stop and think for a moment, but then normality soon returns. Mrs Zilla had tremendous anxiety when she turned 30 last year, so in 9 years time I dread to think how she'll cope. In my head I'm still only 23 or 24, and sometimes I act like it. Yet last night I realised that I have matured to some degree - having the children has forced me to act differently sometimes. I was talking to my eldest about the way he should deal with problems at school and found myself sounding a bit like my dad, but with a bit more realism and understanding than he showed. So thanks dad, you obviously gave me a pretty good grounding, but I think I've refined you approach. I also noticed last night that having got a sensible, family friendly car I am experiencing a lot less road rage from other motorists and my urge to speed around has almost vanished. I've also noticed that no ladies are interested in any man driving the car I do. You might as well have FAMILY MAN TAKE NO INTEREST painted along the sides. But then should I be expecting female interest at my age? My philandering brother in law has been through a number of ladies in the last year, figuratively and probably literally. He's one year younger than me, and I have noticed (IMO) that the standard he's attracting seems to be slipping. Someone told me a joke a while back: What's the similarity between men over 30 and car park spaces? All the good ones are taken, but there's plenty of disabled ones left. There may be some truth in that. When I think of my friends that are single, they all seem to have issues of one type or another, cause and effect.

The usual

Well my football team returned to form last night, a heavy defeat in the UEFA Cup final. I'm used to their erratic form, but my 6 year old son went to bed in tears. He'll soon get used to the taste of defeat. This morning he's back to his usual self. I unfortunatley then spent the rest of the evening imbibing far too much alcohol. I have a fuzzy head and churning stomach, and I have never had a hangover in my life before. Is this another sign of ageing? So you get the benefit of wisdom and hindsight, but suffer more physically? Doesn't seem fair. Serves me right for not reading the small print I guess. My thoughts and actions are pretty disjointed today - is this common with hangovers? Or yet another sign that alzheimers is just around the corner for me? Right enough of my rambling rubbish I'm off to try and satiate my post alcohol hunger

Skip this - normal service may be resumed tomorrow

Michael Walker Wednesday May 10, 2006 The Guardian Steve McClaren joked last Saturday that you could write a book about Middlesbrough's season but, for those steeped in Teesside, 2005-06 merits only a chapter. Boro's chairman Steve Gibson, for example, said 2006 has been "extraordinary" in its own way but it is merely the latest twist in a personal, financial association with the club that goes back to 1986. Spectacular comebacks have marked the run to the Uefa Cup final in Eindhoven tonight but they are nothing compared with the kiss of life Gibson and four others administered to Middlesbrough that year. With the company liquidated, the Ayresome Park gates locked, players and coaches sacked in the summer, only a rescue package overseen by the then 28-year-old Gibson saw Middlesbrough survive as a Football League club. But it was so close-run that Boro, refused access to Ayresome Park by the receivers, had to play the opening game of the 1986-87 season at Hartlepool's Victoria Park. The trouble was that Hartlepool were at home that day, too, so Boro kicked off against Port Vale at 6.30pm in front of 3,456. Archie Stephens scored twice in a 2-2 draw and Middlesbrough were reborn. Middlesbrough Association Football Club became MFC (1986) and that is how they have remained. In 2006 they are unrecognisable and Gibson sat in an office in the palatial training ground near Darlington and surveyed the ride. "It's fresh in the mind, but then it isn't," he said. "In some ways it feels like a long, long time ago but of course significant events do stick. It's when you see, like in recent weeks, old photographs of 20 years ago and people on it are unfortunately deceased. You think 'Bloody hell, I remember Joe, I remember this and remember that' and it kind of brings back the atmosphere of the day. "It was a strange period in that, for me, I was quite young and was asked to get involved. Then I was up to my neck in it. It was so intense, you never knew how bad the situation was. Every time you picked up a stone, something crawled out. It was horrendous. I thought originally that the debt - and this was a long time ago - was £1.3m. To put it into context, the turnover of the club was about £200,000. Then the £1.3m became £1.5m and then £1.7m, £1.8m, £2m and then £2.1m. "And then the old directors said that the club owes them 'this amount'. The biggest amount of money that went out was to the old directors. You couldn't lose sight of the fact that your role was to save the club, because in any other walk of life you would have picked up an axe and chopped people's heads off. You were saving the club to give all this money to these individuals who had already raped the club and killed the club. I'm quite open about it, I'll give you names, it's whether you'll print them." Lawyers intervene at such moments and Gibson should know. As he recalled, that match at Hartlepool was fraught with legal arguments with the Football League. "If we hadn't gone ahead with the game, we were out. Hartlepool played first and we were having all kinds of problems with the Football League, they were useless. We'd applied to the Gola League. We were going to rebuild it that way. It was an early-evening kick-off and about 100,000 people now tell me they were there. I remember Archie Stephens scoring two cracking goals, going two up and eventually drawing 2-2. We're planning a 20th anniversary with everyone involved." By the next home game, against Bury - Boro were in the old Third Division - they were back at Ayresome. But Gibson was thinking about moving. Ten years later the Riverside was erected and to mark its 10th season the old gates from Ayresome were installed outside. Famously in '86 they were photographed padlocked with the manager Bruce Rioch and his unemployed players standing outside. Now they act as a reminder of where Middlesbrough have come from, though Gibson is unsentimental about them. "I would have sold them for scrap," he said. "It was the March [1986] when the club couldn't survive. But a white knight appeared. He was a genuine guy called Alf Duffield and Alf came in on the back of a very successful company. Unfortunately it was a bubble. I was thinking: 'Phew, how lucky is this? I'm going to disappear into the background.' But it didn't happen. I think he was here for six months. His business went and the club didn't have a white knight any longer. It had this huge debt. "What I had to ensure was that the club fulfilled its fixtures, it was how I could get into a position of running the club without interference from the shareholders. You had third-generation shareholders, the great-grandchildren of the original shareholders dating back to 1876 and some of these guys were on the board. You would go to a board meeting and they would be talking about what they were having for lunch, they wouldn't be talking about the debt, because Middlesbrough FC had always just trundled on. "I remember going in and saying to sort this club out there's got to be clear lines of authorisation and the first thing I want is full executive power to run the club. They went 'rhubarb, rhubarb', the cigars came out. Eventually they gave it to me and they said: 'What are you going to do now?' I said: 'None of your business, you're all sacked.' It was up and down, all kinds of things went on, some of it very unpleasant, but at the end the club was saved." Not a man to mess around, Gibson, Middlesbrough-born and bred, has fulfilled a role of saviour-strategist-benefactor ever since, as well as chairman. Now he presides over arguably the best academy in the country, a team in a European final and, at least for another 24 hours, a manager bound for England. Gibson and McClaren have not always seen eye to eye but, when McClaren needed Gibson most, in January and February, the chairman delivered. "I felt at that time, when you took away the emotion, there was definitely a relegation threat. There were too many people who thought we'd be all right and I was guilty of the same complacency. The Villa game really woke us up as a club. We suddenly realised that this is a crisis. "At times like that you need people to be up front and we had some individuals, the manager, the skipper Gareth Southgate, right through the club, who were. I saw no chink in Steve's belief that he could get us out of this." Gibson is in a position to judge. Getting out of it has been the story of Middlesbrough's run to the Uefa Cup final, but it pales beside the original salvage operation performed by Steve Gibson 20 years ago.

Now where did it go?

I was on my way to work this morning when I know I had a good idea to blog about, but now I find myself here, it's gone completely from my mind. Is this one of the symptoms of getting old? Thinking you have a good idea and then completely forgetting it? Perhaps my age is playing on my mind more subconciously because it's my birthday soon, and then 3 days after Godzooky 2 will turn 2. That was a scary birthday two years ago - Mrs Zilla started having contractions at 2.30am, so no lie in that day for me. Then around 6am her waters went, or so we thought. A quick trip to the hospital,after some breakfast, I wasn't getting caught out like the first time (40 hours in labour with no sustenance), but we were sent home again because she was barely dilated and it was only the hind waters that had gone. So my birthday was spent trying to speed up the birth process, but all to no avail. To me, these things happen at their own pace and you just get on with it. I'm not a big fan of birthdays particularly, but I'm glad she's got a different day to mine to celebrate, so it's her special day. Mrs Zilla shares the same birthday as her mother, which makes it easy to remember, but also means that there are certain expectations raised, in terms of where it's spent and what you have to think about. I'm still not sure what to buy Godzooky 2 for a present, so any suggestions will be gratefully received!

A new week

I'm hoping that this will bring an upturn in fortunes. The weekend saw a mixed bag of events. Friday saw me get the action promised, although Mrs Zilla later descended into an intoxicated haze, from alcohol, not my lurve skills, unfortunately. This was a bad move on her part given that she had to be out early Saturday for a hairdressing appointment. So I was left to entertain the three Godzookies, and I made an unwise decision to go to the park. It seemed like a good idea initially, the squirrels were welcoming as we fed them. I managed to juggle all three kids in terms of turns on the slides and swings. The beautiful weather brought it's own fly to put in the ointment though - Godzooky 1 decided to acquire hayfever for the day. He also decided to ignore my advice that rubbing his eyes would make it worse, and by the time I'd got him home he looked like he'd gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. Catching a glimpse of himself in a mirror caused tears, which only exacerbated the problem. By the time I could administer Piriton to ease the syptoms his eyes were almost slits. Cue Mrs Zilla's return from the hairdressers and her insistence that he go to bed and rest his eyes, which served to cause more tears. Aaaaaaaaarrrrggghhh! At least it stopped him telling "jokes" - here's a sample:- What do you call a cow jumping over the moon? A moon cow! Scarily that was one of the better efforts. So bad were his symptoms that he didn't want to go to a schoolmate's birthday party, the acid test of any child's illness! Yesterday saw a wetter, colder day, and he was back on form. Unfortunately the jokes hadn't seen a similar improvement.

Love Life Secrets

Ok, so here are my deepest, darkest secrets, sshhhh, tell no-one:

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. Although you may have been hurt before, you tend to bring very little scars into new relationships. You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. Break-ups can be painful for you, but you never show it. You hold your head high.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

!TIHS

Ok, I've not strictly turned things right around, but there is some light at the end of the tunnel, although I'm hoping that it's not someone with a torch bringing more crap my way. I've got my management accounts (yes, yawn) out by the deadline, just. The staff issues are starting to be dealt with, although it's going to be a long, long process. We've got a shortlist for the vacant position (sorry ,Tich you just missed out, the pretty HR girl wouldn't accede to my request and I'm trying to keep her sweet!) It's Friday afternoon and the sun is shining, so I should get a pleasant evening in the garden playng with the kids, with a nice glass of wine to unwind with. I'm pretty lucky that I have the ability to leave my work issues at work, and I don't tend to drag my problems home with me. Last night I just lay on the floor with Godzooky 3, after the others had been despatched to bed, talking to him (although his only word is "igloo", I'm not counting the raspberries he blows!) and playing round and round the garden, making him giggle. Moments like that are so precious and special. Another plus is that I'm on a promise tonight, not quite in the fluff "walking like John Wayne" category, but it's action. I hope everyone else's week finishes on a high, and you all have a great weekend.

SHIT!

that sums it up

Busy Busy Busy

Too many things to sort out today, so this is all I've got, but it feels pretty apt today

How Hard Can it be?

No, not that, although for a man of my age, I can be quite proud... No, what I really meant is how hard can it be to recruit a suitable member of staff? Within my team we've had a position which has been filled by temps since 2003. This was since the last restructure when it was deemed unnecessary for us to have this post, and the person filling it was moved to a different section. From then on we've had a succession of temps filling the role, which of course doesn't really exist, but now does again under the latest restructure. Clear as mud right? Anyhoo - the quality of temps has covered all parts of the scale, from excellent to downright awful. I sometimes wondered if the agency were dragging passing ne'er do wells from the street and despatching them to us, they were that bad. So - we finally get to appoint someone to the post. The temp we currently have is excellent, punctual, accurate and a good laugh to boot. Unfortunately, being a public sector employer we cannot just appoint him to the post, but must go through the process of advertising and interviewing for the role. So over the weekend I've had the delight of reviewing the application forms and scoring them to short list for interview. Blimey there are some strange people out there. They don't meet the basic essential criteria, but have applied anyway. One person didn't even fill in the form, just stapled a copy of their CV to it! I'm not expecting to get people's life stories on the forms, but some seem willing to share their inner thoughts regardless. Others must think that putting almost nothing on the form will lend them an air of mystery and mean that we need to see them in person. Wrong again. Still sorting this out is a nice way to ease myself into the week after the Bank Holiday, and it means I can get the auditors to hassle somebody else for a few hours!