The Preparation

We had arrived at the hospital at 7.45 am, I dropped Mrs Zilla off there, ran Godzooky 1 to school and then dropped Godzooky 2 at Grandma’s then got back to the hospital. Any fears I had that I may have missed something important or left Mrs Zilla alone to be scared were soon dispelled. I arrived back at the hospital at 8.35 am and Mrs Zilla hadn’t even been allocated a bed yet! The initial examinations took place, blood pressure etc etc and then there was the shaving to be done. Yes, that sort of shaving. Done with a dry Bic razor too! I was asked for my shoe size so the nurse could go and fetch me some theatre wear, including the fetching white wellies. I’m actually glad they asked my shoe size, because they were the only things that managed to fit me even vaguely. Obviously I look a lot skinnier and weedier than I actually am, because I felt like the Incredible Hulk when I put my top on. One deep breath in would probably have ripped straight across the chest of this – the material they use isn’t exactly sturdy. Even the trousers were skin tight on my thighs. I was beginning to suspect that the nurses do this deliberately to up the comedy factor for themselves. In another comedy moment Mrs Zilla had neglected to pack a dressing gown. So upon donning her operating gown she was left with a large gap exposing her vitals and nothing to cover it. She ended up walking to the operating theatre wearing her coat to cover her modesty. Have I ever mentioned how classy she is? We got into the operating theatre at around 10.10 am and the first un-nerving moment occurred. The theatre assistant (porter type bloke) approached me to ask if I was the anaesthetist! Mrs Zilla looked most alarmed, understandably! This time, as there was no epidural already in place, the surgeons used a spinal block. Mrs Zilla rated this far higher than an epidural as she still had feelings in her legs but couldn’t actually feel any pain.