No Televison Limited

In a move timed to perfection, our cable tv has become unusable. I say unusable, but in reality the provider has shafted us. When we moved into our current house over 3 years ago we had cable tv installed. We didn’t get out as much as we’d like to, so the movie channels were a good option on a Saturday night. When they actually came to install the cable box they discovered that the cable leading to our house was damaged. So using a spare socket on our neighbours box they patched us in on that, telling us that the damaged cable would be repaired the following week, and they didn’t need access to our house to do it, so we didn’t have to wait in. Result, or so we thought. Fast forward to last week, we were watching tv on Wednesday morning when it suddenly went blank. OK, no biggie, call up the cable firm and they’ll fix it. Except the phone line, also provided via cable wasn’t working. One mobile phone call later and an engineer was arranged to call some time between 12 and 6. He turned up at 12.05pm, excellent we thought, soon be sorted. Except he revealed that our patch on the neighbours had been disabled by another engineer and the cable to our house had not been replaced in the prior 3 years! There was no way he could restore our services that day. He booked us for a cable renewal on the Saturday, some time between 12 and 6 again. Saturday came and so did the engineers to sort out the cable. Except they couldn’t reconnect the cable due to a blockage further down the road. They told us it would take a construction crew to dig up the road and repair the main cable. Off they went, after telling us the earliest it could be done was Monday. Last night walking down the road I couldn’t see any signs of the road being dug up. So naively I rang the cable customer services department, to ask if there was a date for the repair to begin. Yes there is a date, the 25th February. Over a month away. There’s more though. The repair will take at least 2 days and then it will be a further 3 days before an engineer can physically reconnect us. Yet there is an appointment booked for that on the 28th February, a mere 3 days after the repair begins. When I asked why this would be, the operator, without a hint of irony, explained that because we aren’t actually in February yet, their calendar won’t accept appointments in March! He did concede that this would tend to point to the fact that this is going to take an extraordinarily long time to fix. To cap it off, he informed me that we wouldn’t be getting charged for the cable tv services during this period, until the repair is actioned and our service reconnected! I should blummin’ well think not matey. Thank you very much NTL. I managed to remain calm, avoided going into extreme sarcasm mode and remembered that this was only a person doing their job. So at this time of 3am and 5am feeds what entertainment do I have to keep me sane while waiting for young William to bring his wind up? Four fully functioning tv channels and one which makes everything look like it’s taking place in a blizzard. BBC2 have now restored the Test Card Girl in all her glory, along with an annoying high pitched hum and a robotic speaking clock voice: “The time will be three twenty-two am and ten seconds, the time will be three twenty-two am and twenty seconds” In my sleep deprived state she’s become almost like a new friend to me Today’s mission is to investigate the possibility of satellite television provision and a return to British Telecom…… To emphasise my ageing status Godzooky 1 was incredulous when I told him that at his age there were only 3 tv channels to watch, and they weren't on all day. I'm starting to feel old