Hmmmm

I seem to do the same thing each night/weekend - think or experience something that I think is blog worthy, then when I get to the create post option, all sense and ideas desert me. Is that blogger's block? Or perhaps my subconcious telling me that it isn't relly worth blogging about? The weekend was spent mainly in our own garden, enjoying the sunshine whilst tidying the garden. I enjoyed sitting out with Mrs Zilla, once the godzookies were in bed, just chatting about life, reminiscing and drinking some good wine. Then again I also enjoyed the high powered water pistols we bought too! Sometimes I walk around the house and find it hard to believe that it's mine (well at least 60% of it is mine, the rest I still owe the bank for!). I guess it's because it's a grown up house if that makes sense. It's a family house. Yes, I know that I'm a family man in his 30s, but most of the time in my head I'm around 23, so it feels kind of weird to have the house, car, kids set up. This probably makes little or no sense, and I have no idea why I should still feel this way. Perhaps my own senses of achievement and accomplishment aren't strong enough for me to realise that I am crashing towards middle age. I don't think it's fear of assessing where I am at. When I sit down and coldly assess things, I'm happy with my children, I like my house, my surroundings and even my job for most of the time. My career has constantly moved on, I've been working at the same place for 13 years now, and been getting fresh challenges along the way. Perhaps my lack of awareness was highlighted recently by events at school. I was taking godzooky 1 to and from school due to Mrs Zilla's broken ankle. As a result I saw the fevered worry of some other parents as to their progeny's school report. A brief outline of the school structure might help here. Children start off in Reception class. Most then move to Year 1, although there is also an option of Year1/2. This is a class for the gifted Reception pupils and also a holding class for those not deemed bright enough to move from Year 1 to Year 2. So recent parental fears have focussed on whether their child will end up in Year 1/2 or move on to Year 2. I found myself amazed that what I had thought were rational, normal people were getting so concerned over which class their child ended up in. To me the utmost important thing is that Godzooky 1 enjoys going to school. If he's happy, then he will surely do better, that seems like common sense to me. The ultimate proof of this is a boy who went staright from Reception to Year 1/2. He has gone from being a top performer to being one of the worst. Does my attitude of caring more about Godzooky 1's happiness than his academic prowess make me a good or bad parent? As it happens he is near the top of reading, writing and maths anyway. I prefer him to be happy and near the top, than for me to push him and him be top in subjects and miserable. Perhaps again I am drawing on my own experiences too much. I was very able at school, but didn't push myself, to my parents annoyance. To me that seemed the right way to be. Watch me change my attitude over the next couple of years!