The Things People Say

I play football every week, 5-a-side, with a very varied bunch of people. The ten people playing alters according to who is available or fit enough. There is one guy, who plays most weeks, who owns his own PR company. He’s a nice bloke, gets free tickets to things for us sometimes, and seems fairly well grounded. Last night he totally amazed me with something he said. Normally he turns up in his convertible BMW, but last night he trundled into the car park driving a Toyota Yaris, something he would not normally be seen dead in. Apparently he’d been at his gym last Friday, had a workout and was having a shower afterwards, when his bag got stolen. He swears he had it in view until he was washing his hair. The thief must have waited until he wasn’t looking then nipped off with the bag, found his car keys, and taken his BMW. The gym’s CCTV caught the culprit on camera, but the police have not yet been to the gym to collect it. This is driving our footballing chum mad. He’s offered to deliver it to the police station (which is only 600 yards from the gym apparently) himself, but the police are insisting they’ve got to collect it! So in the meantime his insurance company have arranged the Yaris as a replacement vehicle, which he is also not too impressed about. What amazed me last night though, was something he said to another bloke playing. This other bloke works as a doorman, or bouncer, in some rather unsavoury clubs and pubs. He also is a great bloke, but I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of him, if you know what I mean. PR man approaches Bouncer and says in the middle of the changing room: “You know a lot of dodgy people. Can’t you use your underworld contacts to find the scally that nicked my car?” Priceless.