Anniversaries

I was feeling pretty low yesterday and put it down to the current circumstances. It’s not like me to feel down, and then I realised what the date was. Today is the anniversary of my father’s death, it always seems to creep up on me, and I always seem to have a low mood in the week beforehand. The thirteen years seem to have flown by, but time hasn’t really healed the pain. Ironically it’s also my in-laws wedding anniversary, which can act in one of two ways depending on my mood at the time. It’s either great to see a couple who are both 70 still together and enjoying their grandchildren, or a slap in the face emphasising that my father never got to see his grandkids. I tend to swing between the extremes all day. He was always incredibly good with children, he had an easy knack of making stories up on the spot, leading adventures and thinking up mad ideas. My cousins would always make a beeline for him, such were his skills. I think only having one child left him with a surfeit of energy and a desire to entertain on a grander scale. It’s left me feeling that both he and my children have missed out on what would have been an incredible relationship, and I often wonder what things would have been like. He has inspired me to be like him with my children though, and if anything, taught me how to try and improve the standard he set. He was something of a workaholic and would often be tired when he got home, too tired to be active with me. But the weekends and times he made special more than made up for that. I always try and ensure that I get home from work at a reasonable time and get involved with the children. He was well thought of by all the people he worked with. That shone through at his funeral. Over 200 of his colleagues turned up, and we were told that many more were unable to attend due to work commitments. On a personal level I feel robbed as well. Many of my friends have a close relationship with their fathers. I never even really got the chance to go to the pub for a drink with my dad, in the way that so many of my friends take for granted now. I’ve seen their relationships change over the years and that has made the gap in my life feel even more pronounced. Today is a day that may be hard to get through, but I will focus on my happy memories.