West Coast

Last night at football was interesting. The game itself was fairly even and ended in a draw, but it was the side show on the next pitch which was more interesting. Where we play there are 14 astroturf pitches, with boards around the bottom and netting up quite high, which is meant to retain the ball on your pitch. In practice this never works with some of the wayward shooting that goes on. It means that while someone is running the half mile to retrieve the ball they’ve kicked over the net you can watch games on adjoining pitches. Every week there are lots of scallies (annoying teenagers) hanging around the pitches. If no-one is playing on one they will use it, without paying, naturally. Quite often these little scrotes will try and outstay their welcome, asking if they can have a game etc.etc. Normally a few choice words persuades them that their presence is no longer required and they shuffle off to annoy someone else. We were part way through our game last night, with a group of these scallies on the next pitch. The people who had booked the adjoining pitch turned up to start their game. These were a group of women, who seem to play every week, and from what we’ve seen seem quite good and take their games pretty seriously. We heard a bit of commotion from the next pitch and it became clear that these scallies didn’t want to move, with the discussion getting more and more heated. If it had been ten blokes coming on the pitch I’m sure these three teenagers would have removed themselves instantly. As it was women, they obviously thought they could push their luck. The shouting continued for a few minutes and then things started to turn physical: one of the teenagers shoved one of the women. Murmuring began amongst us that we should go on the next pitch and turf them off. To the women’s credit they gave as good as they got and shoved the lad back. Then came the decisive moment, one of the teenagers, a short, white kid, about 14 years old said to the women “Yo, mofos you want me to put a cap in your ass?” At which point all the women, everyone on our pitch and the other adjoining pitch fell about laughing. Faced with a barrage of laughter and comments coming from all directions, the kids started to head for the gate leaving the pitch, trying to maintain some sort of “gangsta” loping walk. It must have felt like the longest walk of their lives. Their parting shot as they reached the gate was “West Coast!”, in the middle of Manchester! Thankfully a potentially violent situation had been avoided by some kid’s moronic taunt. Our game wasn’t the same for about the next 5 minutes while we were making each other laugh by making gangsta remarks.